New Tricks from An Old Dog

It is said that a man's home is his castle - and that by extension the heart of his domicile, the commode, is his throne.

I suppose that is why the old-timers called the bathroom mirror the "loo king glass."

Good heavens, the kettle! -

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In addition to my own upcoming treatise on the symphony (see below), our publishing outfit has a few other upcoming releases.

With solemn pomp we proudly present the first translation into English of the poetry of the renowned Austrian stylist, Heinrich Kleidermotte, in a handsome volume as slender and sturdy as a caryatid's wrist.

Kleidermotte flourished in Vienna in the latter half of the 19th century; people generally took a dim view of 'flourishing' in those days, and he was prematurely silenced. Our collection of epigrams, villanelles and grocery lists collates nearly all that escaped his tormented nibs, in a pithy and accurate translation by brace of grad students interested in that sort of thing.

Available in carefully-bound, hand-tooled calfskin, as well as the usual vegan options.

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Also to be published in the upcoming weeks, the eagerly-awaited magnum opus by our own uncle, Shamael: his long-planned new translation of Gilgamesh, along with the first appearance of certain recently-uncovered Sumerian poems "of a smutty nature," as he explained it.

This stunning bilingual edition has the added attraction of being inscribed in cuneiform (and an equivalent font for the English half) on clay tablets.

Its price is $29.99 plus shipping (estimated at around $500 for domestic shipments). Order yours in advance!

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A Reader's Challenge: We've received a missive from a Mr. Norbert of Rhode Island, who shares, "I have recently come into a quantity of chutney - the hot lime stuff. It's fine served alongside the usual roghan joshes and vindaloos, but we only eat that once or twice a month. Do your readers have any unusual suggestions for other applications? Salad dressings? Cocktails?"

Readers?